How to check on a mate (properly)

Most of us have a mate we are a bit worried about. And most of us do nothing, not because we do not care, but because we do not know what to say and we are scared of making it weird.

Here is the truth: you do not need the perfect words. You need ten minutes and a bit of nerve. This is the simple version.

1. Pick your moment

Side by side beats face to face. In the car, at the gym, on a walk, over a beer, standing at the barbecue. Men talk easier when the talk is not the main event and nobody is staring at anybody.

2. Ask twice

The first "you right?" always gets a "yeah, all good". That is the script we all run. So ask again. "No, seriously, how are you actually going?" The second ask tells him you mean it, and the second answer is usually the real one.

The second ask is the real one.

3. Listen, don't fix

You are not there to solve his life, and you do not need answers. Let him talk. Sit in the silences, they do more work than you think. Not judging and not rushing is the whole job.

4. Stay in it

One conversation is a start, not a finish. Check back in a few days. Keep inviting him to things, even if he keeps saying no. Showing up twice beats saying the perfect thing once.

If it is bigger than a chat

Sometimes a mate needs more than you can give, and pointing him to real support is not passing the buck, it is having his back. These are free, confidential and open 24/7:

• Lifeline: 13 11 14
• MensLine Australia: 1300 78 99 78
• Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636

If a life is in danger, call 000.

This is what Two Kxngs means by men supporting men. Not a slogan. A habit.